“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” -Dalai Lama
Recently someone said to me that he realized he does not have a right to not be uncomfortable. I have read some Buddhist books which discuss the idea of suffering being a normal part of life. This makes sense to me, but the "right" to not suffer, I had never thought of that. I am definitely guilty of feeling righteous about being comfortable. I miss the train and now I have to be uncomfortable waiting for the next train because it's cold/hot/windy/humid. Now I may be later than I wanted and will have to hurry through my tasks. I am upset, the idea of my right to be comfortable being taken from me is distressing.
Tolerating discomfort is not a new idea. Obviously people have been identifying tolerance as an important skill for hundreds of years. But this "right" to being comfortable. That seems generational, specifically generations X and Y. I see it as a possible significant contributing factor to the unhappiness I see around me (and sometimes in myself). We have incredibly high expectations for just about everything. Our careers should be inspiring and challenging, our relationships with significant others should be fun/romantic/easy, our homes should be comfortable and full of comfort giving things, our appearance, our families, our finances, children all follow suit.
This is not a rant about generations X and Y being lazy. We are NOT lazy. We work and if we are not working we want to be working. A large part of our identity is wrapped up in our work. But often our work does not make us happy and we feel like failures as a result. I think the problem is idealism. We are idealist and dreamers. We have big dreams, hopes and ideas. When our relationships are difficult, our work joyless, our days mundane, every inconvenience is a harsh reminder of how we are not living as we imagined. More proof the universe is unfair. It is not that most people do not deserve to live out their dreams, hopes and ideas. It's just that the universe is actually unfair.
Acceptance and tolerance, these are important tools for coping with discomfort. Can you imagine how our lives would look to us if we could accept we have no right to be comfortable, and learn to tolerate discomfort? Maybe we could appreciate our lives as they are, part beauty and part discomfort. Our expectations could match reality. We could have a shot at happiness.
xo,
M
Well said, M. Expectations are always the source of my darkest feelings. Was I taught to expect? I'm not sure. Can I unteach myself and just feel gratitude when something is right in front of me? Not sure. Been working on putting down the worry as well. Such a useless quality. Whoever invented worry should be fired. :)
ReplyDeleteHa, well, worrying is a survival instinct. But anxiety takes to a whole other level. Thank you for your feedback.
DeleteDoes this go along with the idea that "nothing in life worth having comes easy"? That you enjoy life's successes more because of the toils and failures along the way. I have always thought that once I become comfortable in life I stop becoming productive. I don't mean the little "couch"comforts, but the emotional type comforts that without which you always have that little frog in your throat making you worry if you will complete the task at hand successfully. I don't know about the right to be comfortable, but it seems we should strive to stay uncomfortable. As with art, in life it seems the beauty is in the imperfections or discomforts.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I have a hard time with that. Not striving for comfort. I get what you're saying and I think you might be right. But I so desire comfort.
DeleteI think there is something to be said about feeling discomfort or going out of one’s comfort zone. I think in some instances being uncomfortable can lead to growth. It can perhaps lead us to rethink how we feel in that moment and just notice how we feel instead of reacting to it. Ya know, relax with what is - all uncomfortable and all.. I think this opens our eyes to all that is beautiful and comfortable around us and makes us more appreciative and thankful for the warm fuzzies that we do have. I’m not suggesting that we seek out uncomfortable situations, but when they are at our doorstep, embrace them. Challenge yourself to be ok.
ReplyDeleteMiss You Guys! ;) Rebecca
Rebecca, I think you're sort of saying what Josh thought too. That growth comes from discomfort. I like when you wrote "challenge yourself to be ok". That really hits home with me. I think that sums up how I was feeling in a simple and beautiful way. And I miss you guys too, always. I wish Grand Rapids and Chicago were right next door to each other!
ReplyDelete