Part Beauty and Part Discomfort

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” -Dalai Lama

Recently someone said to me that he realized he does not have a right to not be uncomfortable.  I have read some Buddhist books which discuss the idea of suffering being a normal part of life. This makes sense to me, but the "right" to not suffer, I had never thought of that. I am definitely guilty of feeling righteous about being comfortable.  I miss the train and now I have to be uncomfortable waiting for the next train because it's cold/hot/windy/humid. Now I may be later than I wanted and will have to hurry through my tasks. I am upset, the idea of my right to be comfortable being taken from me is distressing. 

Tolerating discomfort is not a new idea. Obviously people have been identifying tolerance as an important skill for hundreds of years.  But this "right" to being comfortable. That seems generational, specifically generations X and Y. I see it as a possible significant contributing factor to the unhappiness I see around me (and sometimes in myself). We have incredibly high expectations for just about everything. Our careers should be inspiring and challenging, our relationships with significant others should be fun/romantic/easy, our homes should be comfortable and full of comfort giving things, our appearance, our families, our finances, children all follow suit. 

This is not a rant about generations X and Y being lazy. We are NOT lazy. We work and if we are not working we want to be working. A large part of our identity is wrapped up in our work. But often our work does not make us happy and we feel like failures as a result. I think the problem is idealism. We are idealist and dreamers. We have big dreams, hopes and ideas. When our relationships are difficult, our work joyless, our days mundane, every inconvenience is a harsh reminder of how we are not living as we imagined.  More proof the universe is unfair.  It is not that most people do not deserve to live out their dreams, hopes and ideas. It's just that the universe is actually unfair. 

Acceptance and tolerance, these are important tools for coping with discomfort. Can you imagine how our lives would look to us if we could accept we have no right to be comfortable, and learn to tolerate discomfort? Maybe we could appreciate our lives as they are, part beauty and part discomfort. Our expectations could match reality.  We could have a shot at happiness. 

xo,

M

The Last Little Bit

Here are some recent photos. Just a glimpse of some of the people, animals and moments I so dearly appreciate.

A beautiful fall morning in Chicago.

Coffee, always coffee. 

My two favorite bros.

Alphie is suspicious that someone somewhere is having fun.

(Super sweet wood art on the wall behind Alphie: http://deadfall-art.com/  )

We went out on a Saturday night.

The Right Now-featuring the birthday boy and his band mate. (http://therightnow.com/)

These guys.

If looks could kill you would be an uzi. 

A grilled cheese lunch date. 

That's all for now. XO, M

Selfishness, A Street Fight

A thoughtful decision about parenting:

This is not a new topic. On the contrary, people have been openly and harshly arguing this issue on social and other media outlets over the past few months. However, the focus of discussion usually leads to the same place. What does it mean to be a man or a woman? Does parenting make you a woman? And if so, what am I if I choose not to parent? These are important questions. All of which of course I have an opinion about. But that is not the focus of this post. Because I think something else in the discussion is being missed.

On both sides of the argument people are pointing fingers and calling the other selfish. If you choose to have a family (in this economy, crime ridden world) you are selfish. If you choose not to have a family (not contributing to future generations, self indulgence) you are selfish. My opinion is simple. Selfishness is not a bad, shameful thing. Selfishness is innate. We must sometimes be selfish to survive. Why shouldn't we be a little selfish? Especially when it comes to our one shot at living the life we want, our own vision of what a happy, valuable life looks like.

What happens to women in this discussion that do not have the good fortune to be able to make a thoughtful decision about their family? The women that have not won the genetic lottery, do not have access to financial options, health insurance or information, and the ones who have been subject to cruel timing. I imagine this argument being silencing. We should not minimize the fact that some have the privilege of making a choice, while others do not.  Along with minimizing we are also trashing each other as we go. This is a street fight of women against women. And we are all loosing.

In this sometimes painful, scary world women (and men) should not be denying each other their hopes and dreams. We should all be supporting each other. Happy when families are fortunate enough to make a thoughtful decision about parenting. Celebrate in each others joy and help hold some of each others pain.

Joy to you all.

XO,

M

She's a Witch with her Short Hair

Weekend!

Working on the weekends I have sort of an opposite schedule than my friends and family. So pushing myself to go out after work can be a bit of a challenge. But this weekend Nick and I had a lovely date. We took a drive up north and saw the leaves change colors, admired lake Michigan, had a dinner out and went for a long walk and just talked. Here are a couple of pictures from yesterday. Unfortunately I was too busy enjoying the drive to think of taking some fall photos. Oh well, next time. 

Haircut! Super short and lovin' it! 

This guy lives on my patio. (Sparty gnome!)

       Vintage find! Pyrex beakers with mason jar bouquet. (Pyrex beakers on my Etsy page!)

Vulnerability with a Side of Sass

   These two are equal parts beauty and sass: Nicole and Lesley (with me).

When I was a child and teenager I always felt disconnected. I was missing that feeling of belonging that comes with truly connecting to others. In adulthood I've learned who I am, what I value and what type of relationships I want in my life.  I've surrounded myself with genuine people who I respect and who make me feel respected in return. When that happened I finally felt connected. I ate it up. I still eat it up. I will  never be full.

In the past six months I've relearned a lesson that I painfully learned as a young adult. Vulnerability is the only way to truly connect with others. My beautiful friend Nicole has helped remind me of this vital lesson. Earlier this year Nicole was diagnosed with breast cancer. Daily I am in awe of her strength, resilience and perseverance to heal herself. But I am also amazed to see her capacity to expose herself so vulnerably. Nicole created a social media page to update her community about her medical/emotional/spiritual status. And what followed has been beautiful. I have witnessed Nicole's community respond in unwavering, loving support.

When we open up it allows others around us to open up as well. And we feel genuinely loved for who we are, beautiful, mess, sass and all. Of course there is risk involved. Sometimes when we are vulnerable people let us down. Sometimes they hurt us. Not everyone has the capacity to reciprocate love in this way. But when you reach out and someone reaches back it's powerful. To me it's life sustaining and worth the risk of pain.

I am inspired by Nicole. What she has done with her community is amazing and may not be the exact right thing for every person. Each of us can have our own version of creating supportive and loving relationships. I think my hope is that this post will reach someone that needs to hear this message. Just as I've needed and received the message in my own life.

XO,

M

What am I doing?

"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be." -Jane Austen

I moved to Chicago seven years ago from my home in Michigan. My friends were marrying after college, having children and their lives were changing. I just wasn't there yet. I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for, but sometimes a person needs to find their own perfect space. That's what my move was about and that's what I hope this blog will also be. 

Even after seven years my friends and family at home always wonder what I am doing "out" here in Chicago. What am I doing? Well I'm working, loving, partnered with a great man, rescued two lovely puppies and experiencing life the only way I know how. By trial and error. 

Here are a few glimpses of the last little bit:

            Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum 

Tiny friend <3

Lovely Friends, Tom and Lee

                                                                         

        Opera at Millennium Park

Alphie and Asa chillin'

That's all for now friends. XO, M