Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Selfishness, A Street Fight

A thoughtful decision about parenting:

This is not a new topic. On the contrary, people have been openly and harshly arguing this issue on social and other media outlets over the past few months. However, the focus of discussion usually leads to the same place. What does it mean to be a man or a woman? Does parenting make you a woman? And if so, what am I if I choose not to parent? These are important questions. All of which of course I have an opinion about. But that is not the focus of this post. Because I think something else in the discussion is being missed.

On both sides of the argument people are pointing fingers and calling the other selfish. If you choose to have a family (in this economy, crime ridden world) you are selfish. If you choose not to have a family (not contributing to future generations, self indulgence) you are selfish. My opinion is simple. Selfishness is not a bad, shameful thing. Selfishness is innate. We must sometimes be selfish to survive. Why shouldn't we be a little selfish? Especially when it comes to our one shot at living the life we want, our own vision of what a happy, valuable life looks like.

What happens to women in this discussion that do not have the good fortune to be able to make a thoughtful decision about their family? The women that have not won the genetic lottery, do not have access to financial options, health insurance or information, and the ones who have been subject to cruel timing. I imagine this argument being silencing. We should not minimize the fact that some have the privilege of making a choice, while others do not.  Along with minimizing we are also trashing each other as we go. This is a street fight of women against women. And we are all loosing.

In this sometimes painful, scary world women (and men) should not be denying each other their hopes and dreams. We should all be supporting each other. Happy when families are fortunate enough to make a thoughtful decision about parenting. Celebrate in each others joy and help hold some of each others pain.

Joy to you all.




  1. Well as a woman who had decided early on not to be a parent (no regrets) having the option to make that decision and have people support me in that decision has meant alot. I have had that discussion and been called selfish, but I believe for me it would be selfish bringing a child into my life just because I supposed to. I support those who decide and those who do not, we can have an opinion about this but when we start judging others then we are being selfish to choices of others.